Saturday, July 24, 2010

Mr. Sandman, bring me a (what was I looking for agin?)

2:00am and I have paced every non-squeaky floorboard of our 80-yr-old house, fighting the urge to somehow quietly repaint the basement walls, wash my car and start emptying all the drawers in the baby's dresser while Will sleeps. If it's your body that starts really changing at 16 weeks, 20 weeks must be all about the mind.

Because I think I might be insane.

I drove ALL the way to Anthropolgie today to return an adorable hair clip that made me look like a resident of Whoville, only to arrive and realize I had left it on the dining room table (naturally). I thought it was Sunday until 10am (it's not), and I arrived home after a lovely dinner with friends tonight feeling, well, "unsettled." Why, you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA. But the feeling is so nagging, in fact, that I'm awake. Wide awake. And irrationally angry at Will for sleeping while I'm awake... at 2:00 (I typically lose most major motor skills and the ability to speak past 9:15pm. Ask anybody).


When Will and I started dating, at the tender age of 17, I remember loving that he always smelled like fabric softener and soap, and thinking that he had the softest, warmest hands I'd ever held. Sometime in the first year of our relationship, I remember thinking that I wanted those hands to hold my babies someday. In fact, I told my friend, Catherine... who may have dumped ice on me. (Did I mention I was 17?)
It was a just a crazy thought then, but I think my head might actually spin around and explode when that small vision becomes a giant reality this December. Could all this craziness be attributed to my mind's conscious or unconscious way of sorting out the events of our lives and the astounding ways they are coming full circle? Could my "insanity" just be a heightened state of realization? Is it too late to eat a wedge of cheese and mull this over? *spend 8 minutes debating cheese*

*head to fridge. forget about blog.*
*remember blog*
*try to remember where I put MacBook*
*found MacBook*

See what I mean? :) Sweet dreams, friends. May tomorrow bring a clear(er) head.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Hahaha! You crack me up. I love that you're back blogging again :)

Love what you've chosen for the room so far too.